Asaram in Blunderland

When an Ass and a Ram collide

In its rich and diverse history, our country has produced gems of varying degrees of brilliance, but rarely have we seen one that shines so bright that one is blinded by sheer awesomeness - that self-proclaimed guide of souls, Mr. Asaram Bapu.

Today, Asaram Bapu Ji's words have brought solace to many of us who have been troubled by soul-searching and introspection. Turns out, none of us is to blame for what happened to that unfortunate girl who was set upon by six depraved fiends. It was mostly her fault. 

She would have left with her dignity and life intact, if only she hadn't fought the attackers, all decent, god-fearing men who were just trying to teach her a righteous lesson in morality and upholding the Indian culture and maryada. She should have thanked them for taking the time to set her moral compass right, called them "brother" and begged for forgiveness. After all, it takes two hands to clap. She should have used both of hers to applaud their chivalry.

Further, harsher punishment for rapists is totally uncalled for. Asaram Bapu anticipated that some of us may have trouble accepting the wisdom of his words. So he backed his well-thought out statement with unassailable logic. Look at what happened with the Dowry Law, he said. See how the Indian woman has been corrupted by the power to stand up against her husband and in-laws who beat her, hanged her, set her on fire, raped her and tortured her for not bankrupting her parents. We now have Indian women standing up for themselves and demanding to be set free from dowry-induced marriages. Just as Mohan Bhagwat feared

I wonder why I didn't realize this before. And here I was, blaming myself for what happened. 

It Takes One To Tango

There is a lot we can do with just one hand. Clapping may not be one of them, as pointed by that paragon of wisdom. But there are other activities that, if indulged in, could save us from raping and being raped.

One hand is enough to tie a Rakhi on. Instant brotherliness shall be attained. As soon as a would-be rapist tries to grab you, cling like a limpet to one arm of his, and slip a pre-knotted Rakhi on his wrist. Then simply watch the magic of Indian culture kick in as he walks peacefully away and leaves you with a pat on the head, and possibly some money as a Rakhi gift. I, for one, am stocking up on a lifetime's worth of Rakhis come August. Till then, I think I'll just stay home as advised.

One hand is enough for the sex-starved Indian male to relieve himself of pent up hormones. All that is required is some privacy and a stack of DVDs from Palika Bazaar. A note of caution here - this activity is not to be indulged in against an unsuspecting girl's shoulder while travelling on a bus.

One hand is all it takes to slap some sense into Mr. Bapu.


  1. there is a need for a crusade against self-styled god men who preside over wealth of crores of rupees wealth and after losing touch with reality have become arrogant, a disqualification for a saint..

    1. The sad thing is there are thousands of educated people who are following such idiots and totally believe in them. I can't even begin to imagine why someone would have such blind faith in someone who is obviously a phony.


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