The Cleaving

Written for Fireblossom's Friday Challenge on Imaginary Garden With Real Toads.

For this Fireblossom's Friday challenge, one had to write a poem about a crack, fissure, rupture, split, or breaking point.


I pressed you to the ground
You tried to get away
Immobile but spirited
As you rolled from side to side

I pinned you tighter
And made my first strike
To the base of your skull
A sharp crack rended the air

You moaned but yielded
And gave up your fight
Energy coursed through my nerves
In eager anticipation

My mouth watered at the prospect
Of consuming you from the inside out
To drink of your nectar
And sink my teeth into your tender flesh

I raised my hand again
And this time turbid water flowed
I struck again, frenzied now
And you finally broke

You clove open in perfect halves
Your white beauty exposed
The kids shrieked in delight, clapped their hands
And bit into sweet coconut!


55 comments:

  1. lovely. i loved the interplay of words.

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    1. Thank you, mynascnence!

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  2. wow that was amazing imagination! I love the water more than the fruit, though my amma pesters me every time to have the fruit for health benefits. :)

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    1. Thanks a bunch Maliny! I too am a fan of coconut water, but the flesh, especially tender coconut, is slurpalicious too!

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  3. Nice composition. Amazing weave of words.

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  4. Hillarious! Oh how I remember doing this with my kids.
    The punch was taken out of the poem because I saw the pic first -- suggestion: remove the pic and let the words startle the reader as your apparently gruesome poem unfolds.

    Loved it

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    1. Done! Thanks for the input. I was in two minds about putting the picture in the first place, but I agree that the suspense is lost if you see the picture first (which is pretty hard to avoid seeing!)

      Cheers Sabio!

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    2. Ah, glad it was helpful. I loved this poem and just shared it with my 11-year-old daughter who just woke up. And though she was feeling a bit grumpy (as she always is in the mornings), this put a bit natural smile on her face == all the way from India too!

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    3. Aww! Happy this made her smile :) And your comment put a smile on my face in return :D

      Yay! Smiles and cheer all around!

      Wish you and your daughter a brilliant weekend!

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    4. Thank you -- we did. Well, except that we couldn't find any coconuts! :-)

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  5. Here I was expecting the tale of some psycho and it turns out to be a cracker of coconuts. Great fun!

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    1. Glad you enjoyed it, Opal!

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  6. Ha ha!Awesome:) very coconutty:P

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    1. Yup, I went nuts here :D

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  7. From the brutal to the sublime - you took us there.

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    1. Hope you enjoyed the journey :)

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  8. You got me with this one, what a twist in the end. Awesome!

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    1. Ha ha :D Thanks Meenakshi!

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  9. This is so clever!

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    1. Glad you enjoyed it, Mama Zen!

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  10. Sometimes we need a sharp crack to the skull in this life--glad this turned out to be a sweet one.

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    1. Some of us need it more than others ;) Thanks for reading, hedgewitch. And congratulations & best wishes for your book :-)

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  11. God ... this was about a coconut??? As I started reading it, it appeared so dark ... you are really a magician who can twist plots .. superbly written :-)

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    1. Thanks Green Speck :)

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  12. Haha :P I knew there would be a twist somewhere ... but a coconut? Never could have thought :D Nicely written!

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    1. He he :D I myself didn't know how it would end when I began! Thanks for your comment Vaishali :)

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  13. Ha ha, I loved this. You took me be surprise at the end. Would love to be there with you to savor that coconut.

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    1. You're welcome to share it with me any time Mary :)

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  14. imaginative..a coconut within the cracks..

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    1. Thank you Truedessa!

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  15. I am so relieved it was a coconut, though I do feel a bit sad on its behalf, too :-)

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    1. I assure you it fights back with much vigor every single time! :D

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  16. Replies
    1. Thank you for reading my poem!

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  17. ooooh...that was a delicious twist, Mixi!Brilliant!

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    1. Thank you Panchali Ma'am :D

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  18. Horrifying
    " I pressed you to the ground
    You tried to get away "

    Terrible
    " You moaned but yielded
    And gave up your fight" "Of consuming you from the inside out"

    Refreshing,tasty and twist
    "Your white beauty exposed
    The kids shrieked in delight, clapped their hands
    And bit into sweet coconut!"

    All the best for friday challenge Mixi

    Travel India

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  19. Wow...that was a clever poem. I was kinda cringing at the dark gory psycho image. This crack interpretation kept the mystery high and was really funny at the end.

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  20. sheesh, given some of your other subject matter, this really stressed me out and then a flood of relief! also, yum.

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  21. Well, I'm glad I read to the end!
    Much gruesomeness in the media...
    Cheers from Cottage Country!

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  22. Coconut anything ... I devour it! Your poem is quite the treat!!

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  23. Oh you trickster! I thought, wow, this doesn't sound like Mixi at all. Then you went all clever on me and what seemed sinister was really sweet!

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  24. Vishal - Looks like you went through a whole range of emotions here :-) Thanks for reading, my friend.

    Sini - Thank you! Glad you enkoyed the end

    Marian - Hehe :-) Since I wrote this expressly for the Toads, I knew the expectation some of you might have had, and wanted to tease you a bit ;)

    Jennifer - Thank you for reading my poem Jennifer! There is indeed much violence out there, so hopefully this put a lighter spin on it!

    Helen - I will reiterate my open invitation to the Toads to come visit me and a couple of other toadlings in India. Mangoes and Coconuts to die for!

    FB - Gotcha :P And you've grown to know me well now :D We're all (coco)nuts at IGWRT now and then :D

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  25. COCONUT!!! GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
    LOVED THIS!

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    1. Thanks for the comment Red Handed! It gave me the opportunity to look through your blog, and Im so glad I did! Cheers :-)

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  26. Hahaa wonderful one Mixi! You managed to keep the suspense topnotch till the last line...
    Cheers :)

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  27. ... had me fooled! Yes, a coconut!

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  28. Loved it...Brilliant...It became so you! Keep the writing thing going :)

    ektakhetan.blogspot.in

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  29. Hehe, I knew there is some sort of food involved..... U always lay your red herrings masterfully... lovely work yet again

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  30. Ooooh. OOH LA LA. :)

    That was great mocktail of passion and food. Loved the way you played with words. Good to come here after long time. Stunning one this.

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